Kelsey Parker's heartbreaking night out 'she can't wait to leave' as she struggles after stillbirth

Grieving podcast host Kelsey Parker has shared an emotional update as she admits she's struggling to cope in the wake of her baby's death.

Tom Parker's widow announced that she was expecting her third child in January, with new partner Will Lindsay. Sadly, in June, Kelsey shared the news that her son was "born sleeping".

The Loose Women contributor, who is mother to Aurelia, five, and Bodhi, four, took to her Instagram Stories this morning to share an extract from her broadcast channel, in which she discusses a tough night out with James 'Arg' Argentwith her followers.

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Kelsey penned: "Instagram vs Reality. I had a fantastic night out with my good friend Arg. We had a lovely meal at Sheesh, but looking around at all the beautiful young girls with bodies to die for, I felt so uncomfortable and unconfident - feelings I've never really experienced before.

"We enjoyed dinner and watched Arg perform, but deep down I couldn't wait to leave (coming from the girl who is normally the last one standing).

"I guess what l'm trying to say is just because someone is smiling and laughing on social media, you never truly know how they're feeling inside, or the pain and struggles it's taken just to put one foot in front of the other."

Kelsey lost her husband, The Wanted star Tom Parker , in 2022 after he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour, and the baby was her first with her new partner Will.

The social media influencer shared a poem on Instagram about the boy she was expecting, whom she and Will had named Phoenix, to break the sad news in June. "For Phoenix, Born Sleeping, Forever Loved," the poem began, with a caption: "Phoenix Parker -Lindsay, you will forever be loved."

After sharing the post, Kelsey also put up an Instagram story which read: "Before I receive an influx of lovely messages and heart-felt well wishes, I want to just say that I truly appreciate everything you are all going to say and share.

"But with the news being so raw, I would really like to ensure that we as a family are given space and time to process this devastating and earth-shattering news. I love you all and thank you for your understanding and space. Love always, Kelsey , Will and The Parker Family."

In August, Kelsey revealed that embracing her spirituality, and her two children, had been helping her process grief. "My spirituality helps so much, because if I didn’t have this, I don’t know how I would get through a day," she explained.

"I feel Phoenix, and I look for the signs, and I feel like he’s with me and the kids all the time. I am so happy that I found spirituality, because that’s helped me through this massively. And I think that if I didn’t find that on the journey with Tom, I would be so lost right now."

"Even with Phoenix, I had to get up the next day and be a mum," she added. "My kids are my saving grace – they get me out of bed in the morning. They’ve been through so much – they’re four and six and they’ve lived such a life already, that life has to continue for them."

Kelsey, who hosts the Mum’s the Word podcast with her best pal Georgia Jones, wife of McFly singer Danny Jones, explained that she found spirituality when Tom was dying and she was searching for a way to come to terms with the terrible situation her little family found itself in.

She says: "When Tom was still here, I had to find something, because I was like ‘this is so cruel’. I was 35 weeks pregnant with Bodhi and I had Aurelia who was only coming on 15 months, and I thought how can life be this cruel to us, how can this be happening for us?

"We had the perfect life, and it obviously got flipped upside down. And then, by finding spirituality, you know that when they’ve gone, what reason they’ve gone for, and it gives you that bit of peace."

When Tom – who was also a "massive, massive believer" – died, Tom says his soul left his body, but she stressed: "“I could feel his soul leave him, but his energy is still here. We learn it in science – energy can’t be destroyed. It can only be transferred. I just think, when we look at the world around us, there’s got to be more to it than you live and you die and that’s it."

*If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity). You can call them on 0808 164 3332 or email helpline@sands.org.uk

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