
In a week of strong contenders for mad Labour ideas, including a taxpayer funded Pagan chaplain for the Ministry of Justice and 's latest delusional plot to "dim" the sun, when all else fails we also have the return of a default lefty position - more nannying. Just picture the scenes in Downing Street. "What shall we do next" mutters the PM. Their conclusion? milkshakes. Who knows what other horrors didn't make this week's cut.
You can just imagine their fantasy playlist - pay-per-sheet loo roll to save the planet or personal laughter monitors in case people give themselves a hernia and cost the money. Of course I hesitate to jest about such potty concepts for fear it will actually give them ideas. As if British farmers haven't taken enough of a full-frontal battering from this Labour Government, now they have their crosshairs on the dairy sector.
Whilst every parent knows it would ideally be better for kids to drink straight up milk, the real world doesn't always work like that.
Milkshakes are a brilliant way to encourage children to get the nutrients and all round goodness from cows milk in a manner that is fun and makes them happy.
In my own constituency Addingrove Dairy between Long Crendon and Oakley have been able to brilliantly diversify with a live feed from their robotic dairy to a vending machine, where people can buy milk less than 100 yards from the cows who made it.
Their most popular feature, the ability to get delicious fresh milkshakes at the same time. Why does Rachel Reeves and the health zealots feel the need to wag their finger at Addingrove and the queues of my constituents and others who want this farm fresh goodness?
I know it is a hard push for those who prefer vegan platters on the north London dinner party circuit to get this, but taxing fun, taxing a product that does provide nutrients to children in a fun way, just makes no sense.
Labour - and let's be honest about it the LibDems are no better on this nanny state agenda - just can't help themselves. They want the State to interfere as much as possible in people's lives. And therein sits a different path Conservatives must tread to regain trust and pitch to the electorate at the next election.
I was a critic at the time when my own side piloted restrictions on HFSS (high in fat, sugar and salt) products, even telling shopkeepers where they could and could not place a chocolate orange on the shelves.
All for the completely pointless aim of reducing children's sugar intake by the equivalent of half a Smarty a week. I furthermore spoke out and voted against the smoking ban. Not because I think smoking is a great idea, everyone knows it's not.
But it simply isn't for me or any politician to tell someone what they can and cannot do, not least when those who do choose to smoke pay such extortionate levels of taxation for the privilege of doing so.
This nannying attitude, which somehow polluted the last government, needs to be put on the list of things to say sorry for. That meant we became distracted from conservatism, leading in part to the electorate's brutal judgment of us on July 4 last year.
As Conservatives set on the path of renewal, let us rediscover the principle that we are better when the State stays away. When government treats people as adults who know what is best for themselves and their children. Be ourselves and set us apart from the left.
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